Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
