I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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