As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The Olympian is in my bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize