nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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