I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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