I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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