I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
