You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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