im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
