marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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