I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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