your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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