omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
