I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
