Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
