Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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