I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize