Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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