You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
