She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
