Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
