8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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