I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
