Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
