Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
