her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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