I'm so fucking centered right now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
