Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
