I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Houston, we have a blender
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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