Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize