she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
