do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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