Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
