Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize