just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
