hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
did i just pee glitter
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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