IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
