How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
