Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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