Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
