what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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