I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
