you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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