i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
