Someone shit on the floor
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
