yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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