It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
did i just pee glitter
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize