you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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