Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize