Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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