it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
