worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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