PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
