Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
