I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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