I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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