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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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• (914): View more from New York

  Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  oh but she would

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i said i had a yeast infection

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex

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• (716): View more from New York

  I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Or is it distressingly heterosexual?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Yep.

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