She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
