he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
