I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
