I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize