one two three fourrrrnication!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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