he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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