that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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