i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
