Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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