I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
