I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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