I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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