Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
