Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
