OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
