Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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