weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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