none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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