Porn is love you can see.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
