i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
