I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
