And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
