Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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