Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
